


Nothing Good Comes of Feeling

by TrashPrince69



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Dragon Age: Origins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12813123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashPrince69/pseuds/TrashPrince69
Summary: Zevran mourns the death of his dear Warden Amell and goes through his beloved's things, remembering him.





	Nothing Good Comes of Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Another sad little drabble. I write a lot when I get sad or something, :/

Love is pain.   
There are no upsides, no real joy. At least that's what you tell yourself to make this all easier.  
You knew it was foolish to get mixed up with him, you knew right from the very beginning, and still you fell. You fell in love and it terrified you, made your chest clench in fear and your stomach tie in knots. Yet, you felt warm and at peace. You felt so safe and happy in his arms, his red hair falling over your own shoulders as he held you in his lap and his ice cold fingers danced over your chest.  
You knew it would only end in pain.  
You knew that it was his fate to die an early death, long before he would reach an old age. He was twenty-eight when you met and he had about thirty years, give or take. You were willing to face those years with him, find a cure for the Taint. You were willing to hold his hand tight through anything, no matter the danger.  
His smiles did nothing to reassure you or comfort you.  
He was so bright. Like a candle in the dark, a ray of sun peeking through the bars of a dark cell... But even the brightest lights must some day fade.  
You sit in your home, on your knees in front of the bed, fighting tears as you hold his favorite shirt to your nose, breathing in what remained of his scent. He'd left you in the middle of the night, leaving you with his Warden's Oath, his clothes, and a lock of that bright red hair you used to spend hours braiding. He had left you with a cold kiss to the lips and an aching chest.  
You break as you think of his smile.  
You muffle your cries in his shirt, shaking and sniffling. It was an ugly cry, one you'd normally hide from everyone, but now you didn't care if someone saw you so weak. The love of your life was gone now, lost to the Deep Roads and the darkspawn.   
You knew this would happen, and yet you still subjected yourself to the pain.  
You swear you can feel him wrapping his arms around you, whispering 'I love you's into your ear.  
You wished he'd woken you, wished he'd asked you to go with him.   
But he didn't.  
He left you with his things and a note asking you to live for him. Live a long life, and explore. Do whatever you wanted. He asked you to visit the Circle for him, visit Vigil's Keep and Soldier's Peak. He told you to have fun.  
You can't.  
You miss him so much already, it's unbareable. Your eyes burn, your chest is tight, and your whole body is wracked with sobs. You wail as you remember how he looked when he was laughing.  
You don't want him to go where you cannot. You don't want to have him lying underground, forgotten and alone.  
It hurts so much to think he died alone without you there to follow or hold his hand.   
You crawl into bed, barely able to breathe from all the crying, and slip the shirt onto a pillow to hold. Maybe if you pray really hard this will all be a dream and you'll wake up next to him...  
You cling to the pillow for dear life, remembering how he'd hold you tight and curl up around you, burying his nose into your golden hair while his own firey red curls fell into his eyes.  
You don't want to be alone. You don't want him to be alone either.  
You sit up and grab a bottle of poison from your pack...


End file.
